The Difference Between the Innocent and the Culprit

Present day

Shamima sighed in exasperation upon sighting her husband. He was recumbent on the woven cot in the living room, his hands draped over his forehead, his eyes trained on the ceiling. 

These days, Firdaus had become almost catatonic. He didn't speak much. During meal times, he often fidgets with the food rather than eating it. But someone has to work to eke out a living. For the past ten years, Shamima had to fend for herself. She hoped in vain that things would get better once Firdaus got out of the prison. But the Firdaus who came back from prison was not the same person anymore. He was a broken man who had given up on life. So Shamima still had no other way but to look after their small business. After serving Firdaus a cup of chai, she hurriedly cooked the lunch and headed for their shop in the market.

Ten years ago

Firdaus was a young man with handsome features. He used to run a modest inverter battery business. Once Shamima's father visited his shop and the hardworking young man who dreamt to make it big in life impressed him. When he came to know that the man was still unmarried, he made up his mind to make him his son-in-law. 

Firdaus and Shamima were a happy couple. He cared for her and always tried to make her happy. But destiny had other plans for him.

Six months into their marriage, Firdaus was suddenly arrested by the police. Shamima got to know that the local police had seized a significant cache of weapons and explosives in a neighbouring town and they suspected that Firdaus had some links with the crime. Shamima pleaded with the authorities, but in vain.

Firdaus was never rich, but the earnings of his small business were enough for the couple to get by. After his arrest, Shamima spent all their savings, sold their belongings including her wedding jewellery and borrowed from relatives to fight the court case.

One year ago

Finally, Firdaus was acquitted by the court. Shamima shed happy tears hoping that finally their difficult time was over. But life was not the same. Firdaus was unable to find a job or restart his business since his release. Everybody gave him a wide berth. Neighbours and friends kept their distance. Everyday he sank deeper into the abyss of depression. So Shamima had no other way but to look after his business. But the business was no more a profitable venture as it used to be.

Present day

Irfan Chacha, the neighbouring shop-keeper came in Shamima's shop with the day's newspaper in hand.

"Look! The men who were found guilty in the arms haul case have been released yesterday. They were sentenced to ten years imprisonment. They completed their term yesterday."

Shamima stared in astonishment at the news. What an irony of justice! In the eyes of the law, the difference between the innocent and the culprit was just one year!

(Note: Anti-terror laws are distinct from others because the burden of proof shifts to the accused. Consequently, those accused under stringent anti-terror laws - such as the Unlawful Activities (Prevention) Act (UAPA) - often spend years behind bars, before justice is finally served.)

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Table for One

Present day

This year, monsoon has arrived with a vengeance in Kolkata. There has been a steady downpour since morning. When Iravati stepped out of her office in the evening, it was still drizzling. With an exasperated sigh, she opened her umbrella and headed towards the nearby café instead of rushing to the bus-stop. Today, more than anything else, she needed to sit with herself.

As she neared the café, her mouth felt dry and her feet wobbled. She had visited the café many times with Neel. She was afraid that going alone this time would flood her with a fresh wave of grief and longing. But she was determined to get out of the murky feelings of heartache. So she steeled her heart and walked on towards the café.

As she stepped inside the café, the delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee, buttery pastries, herbs and spices greeted her. After taking a cursory look at the menu card, she decided on Caffe Americano and a plate of Corn patties.

Two years ago

Iravati was fresh out of Engineering College when she joined "CodeLyne Technologies" as an Associate Software Engineer. He was already a name there- Neel Sengupta, Senior Project Manager. He was tall with athletic build. His broad shoulders draped in crisp cotton shirt, his neatly ironed trousers, shiny black shoes, few grey strands of hair near his temples rendered him an aura of respectability. He had piercing black eyes which seemed to scour anyone's innermost thoughts. However, there was a lingering shadow of melancholy in his eyes. He was twenty years older than Iravati and... married.

The day Iravati laid her eyes on Neel Sengupta, she felt an almost magnetic pull towards him. But she was well aware of his marital status. So she tried to give him a wide berth. Iravati herself was an average-looking woman with wheatish complexion and medium height. But her mother said that her eloquent eyes and her long, glossy, straight, raven-black hair made up for all her shortcomings.

Neel was proficient at his job. Iravati soon discovered that he was very kind-hearted and always willing to extend a helping hand to juniors when necessary. She also received his help on many occasions.

One and half years ago

It was a day of unrest. A day of revelation. The election results had just been declared. Around midday, there were violent clashes among followers of two rival political parties. All of a sudden, a strike was declared and the entire city came to a standstill. At evening, when Iravati reached the bus-stop, the road was almost empty save a few private cars. Suddenly a car stopped in front of her and the window glasses rolled down. It was Neel peering from the driver's seat.

"Want a ride?'

She hesitated for a few moments, then gave in.

The air inside the car was fragrant with the scent of Neel's woody, citrusy perfume. He broke the silence first and started making small talk. He talked about his unhappy marriage with Maya, about how trapped and suffocated he felt in that marriage. for the first time, Iravati saw a vulnerable man masked behind the suave corporate executive who had no one to care for him.

The distance between them suddenly melted that day. Iravati felt a strange affection for this man. She often cooked his favourite dishes to serve him during lunch-time.

Reshma, her workplace buddy and closest confidante, sensed something was amiss.

"Neel Sengupta is a married man. Don't fall for his charm.", she warned Iravati.

But Neel was Ira's own secret which she fiercely guarded from the world.

"You're over thinking. We're just good friends", she laughed drily.

With the passage of time, love between them intensified. She loved how he made her feel. She loved how his lips felt so perfect on hers. And she loved their secret love-making sessions.

Neel promised her that he would soon divorce Maya so that they could marry.

One month ago

The office grapevine was abuzz with the rumour that Neel's wife was pregnant. Ira's whole world crumbled down when she heard the news.

"Is it true?", she accosted Neel.

"Yes, Ira. It is true. I wanted to tell you myself, but didn't have the courage. It was just... a mistake. But now, I can't avoid my fatherly responsibilities for the sake of my own happiness. Forgive me, if you can. And please try to forget me."

Ira stood shell-shocked.

"One more thing. I've applied to the HR for a transfer. You don't have to face me daily."

Present day

The waiter placed her order on the table. She inhaled the invigorating aroma of the coffee and felt relaxed. Then she took a bite from the corn patties. The chopped green chillies of the stuffing set her tongue on fire. Her eyes smarted. But she didn't stop. Another bite. Then another. Something inside her unravelled.

She realised that what lies on the other side of heart-break is reclaiming her self-worth. He might have failed her, but she must not fail herself. He might have abandoned her, but she must not abandon herself. He might have wandered to a life that didn't include her, but she must not wander away. She must come back to her whole self.

Outside, the rain had subsided. She squared her shoulders, lifted her chin up, gathered her belongings and headed towards the bus-stop. 

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Silence

Silence has come with grace,

After the storm raging inside me has gone quiet
Giving way to a strange calmness
Descending on me like the morning mist.

The ache within me feels dull-
It's edges softening,
It no longer gnaws at my insides,
Enabling my free breathing.

I step inside my house
Where his fragrance still lingers in air,
But I choose myself this time
And feel happy again without a care.

People come and go in our lives-
Like the waves of a sea;
But I anchor myself in my self-worth,
Even when the sea is stormy.

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Her Mother's Lover

"Happiness [is] only real when shared." ~Jon Krakauer

The wedding preparations have begun in full swing now that the Pandit ji have fixed an auspicious date and time for the wedding to take place. It'll be a simple wedding ceremony, in the presence of the marriage registrar, with only a handful of close family members and friends present. The registry marriage, devoid of any wedding extravaganza, was Anu's wish. There's no such close family members on her side to take on the responsibilities of arranging the marriage. So a simple registry marriage was the only available option for her.

But no matter what, Mira Aunty and Parimal Uncle, Sumit's parents, are overjoyed and excited at the prospect of the imminent arrival of a daughter-in-law in their household. They are going out on shopping expeditions almost every weekend. Anu also accompanies them whenever she can afford time. 

With only one month to go for the wedding, most of the preparations have already been made. This weekend, Mira and Parimal are going to visit a renowned apparel shop to purchase their own outfits for their only son's wedding. On Mira Aunty's insistence, Anu is also accompanying them to help them make the perfect choice. 

"Look, Anu beta, how is this saree looking on me?", Mira Aunty asked inquisitively, placing the pallu of an off-white silk saree with maroon border tentatively on her shoulder.

"You look older than your age in this saree. Please choose something more colourful.", Parimal Uncle protested.

Watching their playful banter, Anu sighed silently. If only her mother could participate in her wedding, she would have been this happy!

*****

Anu was seventeen-years-old when Meghna, her widowed mother, introduced her to Ajay Uncle. And she took an instant disliking for him. Ajay Uncle made many efforts to win her heart-- buying her expensive costumes, taking her and her mother to lunch at high-end restaurants, showing genuine interest in her studies-- but all in vain. He seemed like an unwelcome intrusion in her life. Finally, when Meghna announced her plan of tying the knot with Ajay, Anu shifted to her college hostel and snapped all ties with her mother. Meghna sent her money every month, but apart from that, there was no real connection between Anu and Meghna. Anu received Meghna's letters on regular intervals, pleading with her to come back home, but that didn't change her heart. Meghna's phone calls, too, went unanswered. Gradually, the frequency of the letters dwindled and finally, they stopped altogether.

*****

Dear Maa,

Hope this letter finds you in the pink of health. You may be astonished to find a letter from me after ten long years. But Maa, I'm really sorry for all the pain I unknowingly inflicted upon you. Your marriage to Ajay Uncle came as a rude shock to me. After Papa's death, you and I had built a life together. And there was no space for any third person in that life. But I was so wrong. I saw you as a unidimensional person. Just a mother. Nothing else. I failed to recognize your need for a partner, your craving for intimacy. In my rage, I snapped all ties with you. But my perception changed entirely when Sumit came in my life. I began to view you as a woman.

Please forgive me if you can. And please try to attend my wedding ceremony. I'm sending an invitation card with this letter. You'll find all the details in the card.

With love,

Anu.

P.S.- Please try to bring Ajay Uncle with you, too. I want to see both my parents happy on my wedding day. 

*****

With trembling hands and teary eyes, Anu folded the letter and slid it inside an envelope. 

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