A Collection of my writings..... SWAGATA: Children from Broken Homes

"Jadidang hridayang mama, tadidang hridayang taba..."
(As long as I reside in your heart, so long will you reside in my heart).

The bride and the groom chants these mantras, and go around the sacred fire seven times. In marriage, they take the vows to be with each other until death does them apart. To be with each other not just in this lifetime, but for seven consecutive lives.

But in recent times, we are witnessing a good many number of marriages resulting in divorce. With increasing opportunities for education, women are also availing themselves of job opportunities and earning as much as their male counterparts. With none of the partners being dependent on the other, the institution of marriage is becoming redundant. Women these days are increasingly opting out of bitter marriages, rather than forcing themselves to compromise and to stay in a bad marriage just for the sake of financial security or in fear of the social stigma attached with the D-word. I am not against breaking up of marriages. When a relationship has gone toxic, there is no point in continuing it, for whatever reason it may be, because ultimately in the long run, it doesn't do any good to both the parties. But what about the children born out of such wedlock, that resulted in divorce ultimately? Does divorce affect the social, mental and physical health of a child?

There is no point in denying the fact that yes, to some extent, divorce does affect the child. After all, all children need the love and care of both the parents. It's natural. Let us delve deeper into the negative aspects of single-parenting.

1. Children recognize quite early in life that they belong to one sex or the other- that they are a boy or a girl. This is termed by psychologists as gender identity. According to psychology, children have a preference for imitating the behaviour and dress of their same-sex parent. As they become increasingly aware of these similarities, they conclude that they are "a boy like Daddy" or "a girl like Mummy". However, other factors have also been found to play a role in gender development, so this is only part of the total story. But then, what happens to children who are growing up in families where one of the parents is absent? Think about the single-mothers raising sons and single-fathers raising daughters.

2. Think about the children, who after reaching their adolescence, become aware of the meaning of the D-word. Adolescents react to divorce with fear, anxiety, and guilt. They become angry at the remaining parent, wondering, " What did she/he do to make my father/mother leave?" And sometimes they blame themselves: "Why doesn't he love me anymore?"

3. Research (Lemme, 1999) suggests that one lasting effect of divorce that has emerged in recent years is this: Children whose parents divorced seem to be significantly less likely to marry than those whose parents did not.

4. Think about the child who sees both parents of his/her friends to attend the parent-teacher meetings, the annual function at school or the school sports. Think about his/her sense of loss.

But this is not the whole story. Growing up in dysfunctional families- families that do not meet children's needs- can actually harm them way more than growing up in single-parent families can do. For example, consider what it is like for children growing up in homes where the father is alcoholic. And try to imagine what it is like for youngsters who must deal with parents who suffer from serious psychological problems- problems that may cause them to act in unpredictable, abusive, or even physically threatening ways. Clearly such parents do not provide the kind of guidance, consistent control, and support children need for successful development. Research findings indicate that when these factors are lacking, children and adolescents are at increased risk for a wide range of problems, such as drug abuse, stealing, disobedience at home and at school, and overt aggression.

In such a scenario, it's far more advisable to break the marriage, than continuing it any further. May be, in that case, children will miss the love of one of the parents, but then, the other parent usually will try to compensate for that loss by trying to take the place of both the parents. Children will get a healthy atmosphere to grow up where there will not be any abusive languages or any kind of domestic violence. With time, they will gradually begin to appreciate the kind of effort that his/her single parent has put into for their proper upbringing and well-being.

Let us all hope for a better future for all our children. Children are the future of mother earth. Their well-being will ensure the well-being of this planet in future. Let them all grow up to their full potential.

This post is written in line with the