Baba, Baby O...

Much has been said and written about single mothers, but when it comes to single fathers, there has not been much debates and discussions on it. Being a single father is rather unusual and something rarely heard of. Our society has a common perception that compared to men, women are better equipped by nature to handle the responsibilies of raising children. But things are changing rapidly and the changing social milieu gets reflected in pop-culture too. When I first heard about the Bengali movie "Baba, Baby O...", I made up my mind to watch the movie simply out of curiosity because of the rather unusual topic it dealt with.

Meghroddur (played by Jisshu Sengupta), the protagonist of the movie, is a man in his forties. He is bachelor and when he failed to find the love of his life even after four decades of existence, he decides to enjoy the bliss of fatherhood instead. So he becomes a father of twin babies through surrogacy. Later, he meets his love interest Brishti (played by Solanki Roy) at a toy-store where he goes shopping for toys for his children. Brishti, the owner of the toy-store, is in her 20s and she hates kids. Their rather unusual love-story unfolded in the movie.

According to a study by the University of Toronto done in 2016, of the world's 2-3 billion children, 14% are growing up in a single-parent household. In the US alone, fathers make for 4% of the total single-parent households, shows the US 2015 census report. Though there isn't enough data on the number of single fathers in India, it's not something that is unheard of yet there's not adequate portrayal of single fathers in pop-culture. This is why I find the movie "Baba, Baby O..." rather unique.

I found the whole concept of the movie quite interesting and thought-provoking. I am not a pro at reviewing movies. So I am just going to share the reasons why the movie resonated so strongly with me.

First, the movie is laudable for de-coupling the concepts of marriage and parenthood. In most mainstream, commercial movies, the lead couple fall in love first, followed by marriage and parenthood. But this movie does not follow any such linear narrative. Here the protagonist becomes a "Baba" (father) first. The "O" (the significant other) enters his life much later.

Second, given the fact that the protagonist Megh is a single father, it was kind of expected that he would expect his future wife to be a mother-figure in his children's lives. Here, too, the movie strays from the expected narrative. Brishti is a woman who hates children and is least interested in motherhood. But that doesn't deter Megh from falling in love with her. The movie highlights that marriage is expected to offer companionship only. Nothing more, nothing less. Even if both the partners are not on the same page regarding parenthood, there's nothing wrong in it. This is something I absolutely adored about the movie. 

Third, it drives home the point that a parent is a parent, biological or not. To be a good parent, you just need a heart capable of loving unconditionally. There's nothing biological about it. Brishti's mother remarried after her divorce. Her ex-husband, Brishti's biological father, was an absent father who didn't want anything to do with his daughter. On the other hand, Brishti's step-father became successful to be a real father-figure in her life.

Fourth, it debunks the myth that women are natural care-givers. Megh, a man, loves being a father while Brishti, a woman, hates kids. Care-giving has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with individual characteristics.

Overall, I loved the movie for it's rather modern take on marriage and parenthood. At the end of the movie, I had only one niggling doubt in my mind: can the reverse of the situation depicted in the movie ever happen? Would a man in his 20s ever dare to fall in love with a single mother in her 40s? I'll definitely love to watch such a movie.

Acknowledgement: An article on internet about single fathers in India

Movie Review: Kadambari

"Tomarei kariachi jibaner dhrubatara

A samudre ar kabhu habo nako pathahara..."

(I have made you my life's cynosure

Ne'er again shall I be lost in this ocean.")

This song, written by Bengal's Nobel Prize winning poet Rabindranath Tagore, was published in 1880 in his collection of poems titled 'Bhagno-hridoy' when he was just 19 years of age. In this book, for the first time a page for dedication was included and this song was used. The page indicated that the book was dedicated to 'Mrs. Hey...'. Lots of research has been done to decipher the code name. The name of the main witch in the Macbeth is Heckety. It was later known that Rabindranath used to call his sister-in-law, Kadambari Devi, this name in order to ridicule her. Researchers now are almost certain that this 'Mrs. Hey...' is nobody else but Kadambari. Director Suman Ghosh's film "Kadambari", based on the life of Kadambari Devi, ends with this song.

The film "Kadambari", based on Sunil Gangopadhyay's "Prothom Alo", Mallika Sengupta's "Kobir Bouthan" and the writings of Rabindranath Tagore, scans the life of Kadambari Devi from the time she entered the Tagore household as a young bride till she committed suicide. Kadambari Devi's suicide is one of the sensational events in the cultural history of Bengal. Rabindranath Tagore was particularly fond of this sister-in-law of his. The film explores their relationship and the lives of the women of Tagore household of that time.

Kadambari Devi was the wife of Jyotirindranath Tagore and daughter-in-law of Debendranath Tagore. She was almost a decade younger than her husband, whom she married on 5th July, 1868, (the 25th day of the Bengali month Ashar, the year being 1275 according to the Bengali calender) at the tender age of ten years. It was customary for girls of that time to get married early, Kadambari being no exception. Being the daughter-in-law of the illustrated Tagore household, she had certain privileges, like getting educated or riding horse, unlike other women of her generation. 

Kadambari Devi was the daughter of the accountant of the Tagore household. That's why other women of the household, especially Jnanadanandini Devi, wife of Satyendranath Tagore, resented her being the daughter-in-law of the Tagore household and looked down on her. Early in her marriage, she had to accept the hard truth that she would never be able to become the 'Ghorer Bou' of Tagore household.

Rabindranath Tagore, her brother-in-law, was almost of her age. So while Jyotirindranath was busy with his literary nuances, theatre and other hobbies such as ship business and some other business ventures, her only confidante in her humongous matrimonial palace became Robi. Robi too found the biggest critique and greatest admirer of his literary endeavours in his Notun Bouthan. This friendship that blossomed between two persons of same age can't be termed as love, yet Kadambari found an emotional anchorage in this friendship, especially given the almost non-existent role of her husband in her life.

Kadambari failed to bear any children from her marriage and was taunted as 'banja'  (the Bengali synonym used for childless women) by other women of the household. She found solace in a little girl Urmila, daughter of her sister-in-law. Urmila had an untimely death. She fell down from the staircase while Kadambari was asleep. Everyone in the family accused Kadambari's negligence for Urmila's death.

Meanwhile, Kadambari's growing intimacy with Rabindranath irked other members of the Tagore family. They hastily arranged the marriage of Rabindranath Tagore, which made Kadambari further lonely. She at that time desperately sought the much-needed solace from her husband, who was supposed to be her partner for life. But at this crucial junction of life, she came to know of the existence of another woman in her philanderer husband's life, which ultimately propelled her to take her own life on 19th April, 1884, just four months after the poet's marriage with Mrinalini Debi. 

What prompted Kadambari to end her life prematurely, at the tender age of twenty-six? Twenty-six is by no means a dieable age. Was she seeking something more than friendship from her childhood playmate Rabindranath Tagore? Was this friendship bordering on the fringes of love? Or was it the inability to conceive a child? A child could have perhaps saved her loveless marriage with Jyotirindranath. She didn't leave any suicide note behind, so we can only speculate about the probable cause of her death. Or was it all these factors together that took a toll on her? Intrigued by the movie, when I searched the web to know more of this woman, the sepia coloured portrait that came up somehow gave me the impression of a lonely, bereft woman.

Kadambari's life serves as a reminder how far we have come from that era when women didn't have any identity apart from being someone's wife or someone's mother. It reminds us of the struggle our foremothers had gone through. A dysfunctional, childless marriage spoiled a woman's life who could have had a brilliant literary career had she been born in another era. We are fortunate to live in an era where we can think of a life outside marriage and kids. This movie reaffirms this fact and that's why it's a must-watch for all.

This post titled "Why The Movie Kadambari Made Me Appreciate My Freedom Just A Little More" has been published on Women's Web as a Featured Post. Featured Posts are a careful selection of highly relevant and interesting posts picked up by the editor's of Women's Web each day. To read the full story, Click here.

Movie Review: Mukherjee Dar Bou

Meet Shobharani and Aditi, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law pair. They live in the same flat and they both have one common identity: Mrs. Mukherjee. Like any typical MIL-DIL pair, both of them dislike each other. It may sound clichèd, like those typical soap-operas where MILs always conspire against their DILs and the DILs, in turn, hate their MILs. But the movie "Mukherjee Dar Bou" ("Wife of Mr. Mukherjee") offers a fresh perspective  on this clichèd topic. This movie is the debut film of Director Pritha Chakraborty. She has raised our expectation high in her debut film itself by making a movie  on a contemporary, relevant, relatable issue and make the audience think anew on the topic which has become clichèd.

The Plot

The plot revolves around the daily lives of Shobharani and Aditi, the MIL and the DIL.  Aditi is a typical housewife, whose life revolves around Saswata Mukherjee, her husband, and Ichchhe, her little daughter. After the death of her father-in-law, her mother-in-law grows increasingly hostile towards her. She starts finding faults in her every work, rummages her cupboard in her absence, starts throwing things in fit of rage and so on. Unable to tolerate any more, Aditi fixes an appointment with Dr. Aratrika Bhattacharya, a prominent Psychologist. The plot, which seemed clichèd till now, takes an interesting turn. Aratrika counsels both Aditi and her mother-in-law and helps them see the other person's point of view. We, the audience, also learn that just because a mother-in-law meted out injustice to her newly wed daughter-in-law, it's wrong to vilify her. She is a product of our patriarchal society- which has taught her to behave that way. It's always difficult for a woman to go ahead in her life, because in each step of climbing up, women are pitted against one another by this very society. That's why Aditi's mother-in-law hides carefully each of Aditi's job appointment letters which comes by post. Aratrika's counselling sessions improve their relationship significantly. The movie ends with Shabharani's Women's Day speech. Shobha, who always dreamt of performing on-stage since childhood but was never allowed, gave her debut speech on stage on the occasion of Women's Day. She said that her grandmother used to tell her that women are like pitchers. Any dent in that pitcher make it flawed. Now, what's a dent? A dent is her grandmother's wish to get educated or her childhood wish to catch tadpoles from pond like her brothers, wishes forbidden and frowned upon by a patriarchal society. The wishes never fructify. Instead, the women fill other women's lives with all the emptiness of their own lives. Like Shabha hid Aditi's job appointment letters. They have been granted only two things by society which they cling to: A house and an identity of being Mrs. X, Y or Z. On that special occasion of Women's Day, Shobha decided to give names to themselves: She, Shobharani and her daughter-in-law, Aditi. Not just Mrs. Mukherjee anymore. The audience gives them a standing ovation.

The Review

We are all accustomed to the popular saas-bahu soap operas, where the mother-in-law is the quintessential villain. The innocent daughter-in-law is always at the receiving end of all her evil plans. But this movie is a welcome relief from that familiar drama. Here Aditi, the educated, modern daughter-in-law, instead of suffering silently, tries to find a solution of this all-too-familiar problem. She consults a psychiatrist. And here the movie takes a turn. Alongwith Aditi, the audience also learns that the root-cause of the problem is not the evil mother-in-law herself, but the patriarchal society which makes the groom's mother behave rudely towards the bride. All women can relate to the characters of Aditi and her mother-in-law.

Both Koneenica Banerjee and Anashua Majumdar give stellar performances as the DIL-MIL duo. Biswanath Basu is the perfect Mr. Mukherjee- the middle-class, chauvinistic Bengali bhodrolok who is a product of a patriarchal upbringing. Rituparna Sengupta portrays the character of the psychiatrist convincingly. All the songs are appropriate. I specially liked the song "Khachar Pakhi", when Aditi advises the neighbourhood woman, played by Aparajita Auddy, to come out of an abusive marriage. It's strange how many women continue suffering in abusive marriages, because it's the easy way out. The song captures this irony very well.

'Boner pakhi bole, "Akash ghono nil, kono badha nahi tar.

Khachar pakhi bole, "Khachati poripati, kemone dhaka charidhar." '

(Free bird describes, " Deep blue is the sky, no hitch whatsoever."

Cage bird replies, "Look how clear is my enclosure.")

These lines resonated strongly with me.

Overall, this film is a must-watch, especially for the women audience.

This post titled "A Relief From The Typical Saas-Bahu Drama Is Mukherjee Dar Bou" has been published on Women's Web as a Featured Post. Featured Posts are a careful selection of highly relevant and interesting posts picked up by the editor's of Women's Web each day. To read the full story, Click here.

Movie Review: Paromitar Ek Din

 

I have always been an ardent fan of movies by Aparna Sen. These days whenever any of her movies hits the theatre, I make it a point to watch the movie. But today I'll write about a movie by Sen that was released way back in 2000 - "Paromitar Ek Din" (House of Memories). Though I had watched the movie at that time, being a naive school-girl, I failed to realize the full import of the movie. Recently I watched the movie again and I was literally shaken to the core after watching the movie. Some of the scenes seemed a direct copy of some of the incidents of my own life. And I was surprised to realise that someone else made the movie long before the unfolding of these events in my life. However, apart from the personal connection that I felt for this movie, the movie is truly awesome in it's own right.

The Story

The movie depicts the incidents of one particular day in the life of it's female protagonist Paromita - the day of her ex-mother-in-law's funeral. Attending the funeral opens as if the floodgate of her memories and all the memories associated with that old decrepit North-Kolkata house comes alive. The movie shows those memories in flashback.

A young Paromita steps in the Sanyal household as the youngest daughter-in-law. With time, she becomes very close to her mother-in-law Sanaka and her schizophrenic sister-in-law Khuku. In time, she gives birth to son, the only male heir of the Sanyal household. But her son is born with Cerebral Palsy. The arrival of an ill child loosens her bond with her husband, who blames her for her inability to give birth to a healthy child. Later, she gets her son admitted to a school for spastic children. Here she befriends Rajiv Srivastava, who is a documentary film-maker, making a film on spastic children. Paromita's son dies an untimely death. The only fragile thread holding her marriage snaps down. Meanwhile, her friendship with Srivastava blossoms into love and the duo decide to get married, much against the wishes of her mother-in-law.

Later, when Sanaka falls ill and becomes bed-ridden at the fag end of her life, Paromita again steps into her ex-matrimonial home, flouting convention, to take care of Sanaka. The entire movie revolves around the day of Sanaka's funeral. The movie ends on a happy note with the revelation of Paromita's second pregnancy.

The Unusual Bond between Two Women

What I found most heartening about the movie is it's portrayal of an unusual bond between two women, which goes against our popular culture where women themselves are touted as women's worst enemies. An unusual friendship develops between Paromita and Sanaka, transcending the barriers of age, background and temperament. When Paromita's husband accuses her for giving birth to cerebral-palsy-affected child, it's Sanaka who firmly stands by her. If Paromita's son Bablu's death takes her farther away from her husband, it only brings her closer to her mother-in-law who provides solace to her. After Sanaka becomes a widow, it's Paromita who takes her to restaurant to savour fish-fry, away from the judgmental eyes of the people, as she understands that Sanaka loves to eat fish though traditionally widows are forbidden from consuming non-vegetarian food.

When Sanaka falls ill, it's Paromita who comes to take care of her ailing ex-mother-in-law, flouting convention.

Sanaka represents women of the previous generation, financially dependent on their male counterparts, afraid to live life on their own terms. Mani, the man she loved, failed to muster courage enough to broach the topic of marriage to her. The man she got married to failed to elicit any feeling of love in her. In the evening of her life, she realised, "Purush manus meyeder kokhono kichhu dite pare na. Konodin na." (A man can never give anything to a woman. Never.") Being trapped in a loveless marriage, she performed her wifely duties lifelong, while secretly nurturing her love for her Mani-da. She admitted to Paromita, "Konodin moner mil hoyni tomar swasurer songe. Tobu kete to gelo etogulo bochhor. Etogulo chhelepuleo holo. Aré biye ki ar sobsomoy sukher hoy re? Hoyna." (My mentality never matched with that of your father-in-law. Still I spent so many years with him. Still I gave birth to his children. Does marriage always turn out to be a happy one? No.")

In contrast, Paromita is the modern Indian woman, having aspirations of her own. She is educated and sensitive. She looks for love within the institution of marriage. When she didn't find that in her marriage, she came out of that marriage. Srivastava understood her the way she is, giving her a shoulder to cry on. But she is not self-centred at all. When the time came, she didn't hesitate to take on the responsibility of looking after her ex-mother-in-law - a duty which even Sanaka's present daughters-in-law refused to take on. She understood Khuku like no one else. While the society at large stigmatised Khuku as "pagal" (mad), she was sensitive enough to understand that Khuku needs to be made to lead a life as normal as possible.

Both female protagonists are strong in their own ways and with time, they forge a bond that is unprecedented.

My Take on the Movie

The movie showcases some stellar performances. Rituparna Sengupta as Paromita, Aparna Sen as Sanaka and Sohini Sarkar as Khuku are impeccable. Use of appropriate Rabindra-sangeets (songs by Tagore) add to the mood. The scene where Paromita reveals to Sanaka the news of her impending divorce and Sanaka breaks down crying, is made more poignant by Khuku singing, "Tori aamar hahtat dube jaay, Konkhane re kon pashaner ghai." ("My boat sinks all of a sudden. Who knows where, ripped apart by which rock.")

No wonder the movie has bagged more than twenty national and international awards. And I am sure that lot of women of our country will be able to relate to one or the other female protagonists. Do give it a watch.

This post titled "Paromitar Ek Din Taught Me That Women Can Be Women's Best Friends" has been published on Women's Web as a Featured Post. Featured Posts are a careful selection of highly relevant and interesting posts picked up by the editors of Women's Web each day. To read the full story, Click here.



 

Movie Review: "Hichki"

I had an extended weekend this week, thanks to Good Friday, which alongwith Saturday and Sunday make a three-days weekend. With nothing notable to keep me occupied, I decided to watch a movie. Yes, I am a cinephile (and a bibliophile too) and nothing entertains me more than a good movie (and a good book, of course). Having read some great reviews about Hichki in newspaper and in internet, I booked movie ticket for the same. I won't regret my decision. I can vouch for that.

Naina Mathur (Rani Mukherjee's character) is suffering from a neurological disorder called 'tourette syndrome' due to which she gets frequent hiccups which she can't control. Naina is passionate about being a teacher. After many rejections, she finally lands with a teaching job in a reputed school. But the school authority assigns her to be the class-teacher of a notorious class, whose students are known for their below-average scores in exam and their mischiefs. How Naina transforms the class is the theme of the movie.

What I like most about the movie is it's portrayal of a strong female protagonist. Here is a woman who doesn't romance with a handsome hero or sing peppy romantic numbers. She is a woman with a passion for something other than love. She takes her disability in her stride and works to the best of her abilities to achieve what she aspires for.

We all have our favourite teachers in school and college who inspired us. This movie is a tribute to the teaching fraternity. And as Naina says that we remember our teachers, not their salaries despite teaching being a low-paid job. It goes on to portray the dedication of a teacher determined to teach her students, even when the situation is adverse. It depicts those students who are from the disadvantaged strata of society. Though the end was quite predictable, but how Naina made it is worth watching. As she says that the difference between 'why' and 'why not' is just a hichki.

Rani Mukherjee's performance is impeccable as usual. I'd like to say that it's a movie not just for teachers, but for all those who are passionate towards anything in life. It's all about the victory of grit and determination against all odds.