Friday, November 1, 2019

Living A Life Free From Regrets

Living A Life Free From Regrets

"Aye zindagi gale laga le
Humne bhi tere har ik gham ko
Gale se lagaya hai, hai na!"

(O life, embrace me.
See, I too have embraced every sorrow of yours, haven't I?")

Dear Life,
It has been more than three decades of our togetherness. So many crests, so many troughs, so many days, so many nights, so many years- you and I have gone through so much. It's you and only you who have been witness to my every success, my every failure, my every joy and my every sorrow.

So, after all these years of trials and tribulations, you may ask me whether I hold any regrets. But no dear, I don't really regret any of my decisions in life. Do you know why? It's simply because of the fact that I never let anyone take any decisions on my behalf. So be it my career choice or my personal choices- I have courage enough to own my journey this far.

I know that this journey has not been smooth for me. In fact, this journey gave me lot of heartaches and pain to face. What else can you expect it to be when I got separated even before turning thirty, got legally divorced in my early thirties and have been a single mother since then? People frowned at my decision. After all, most marriages in our country survive just on the basis of one-sided compromise of our women-folk. And who isn't familiar with the problem of abusive in-laws? Still, majority of women choose to 'compromise', for the sake of well-being of their children, for the sake of appeasing our patriarchal society, for the sake of keeping the sindoor on their forehead intact. Because any alternative to this seems fraught with danger. It can jeopardise their children's future or the social status they enjoy by virtue of being 'married'. But I always gave a damn to what society thinks. And I always wanted to realize the full potential of life, with little regrets. 

You know what, there were times when I just wished you to start using lubricants. Otherwise, the road seemed too bumpy. But neither were you supposed to use lubricants, nor was I supposed to feel less pain. But I never ever regret my decision to end my marriage. It lacked bliss. And I always search for that elusive thing called 'happiness' in life. Whenever I make any decision, be it related to my career or my personal life, I just ask myself one question, "Will it make me happy?" If the answer is yes, I go for it. If it is in negative, I never pursue it, however difficult it may be in short-term.
Today as I am penning this letter, I am crooning those lines from one of my favourite songs,
"Zindagi tere gham ne humein rishtey naye samjhaye
Mile jo humein dhoop mein mile chaanv ke thande saaye."

("The sorrows of life have taught me new relationships,
I found the comforts of shade under the bright scorching sun.")
How true is this! Happiness stagnates us, whereas grief makes us evolve into better, more matured version of ourselves. Today when I look back to my own younger self, I smile at her naivetè. Had you not given me my share of pain, I would have probably remained the same naive girl forever. It's because of that pain alone that I am a stronger person now. And I am firm in my conviction that no matter how difficult life gets in future, I wouldn't meltdown easily. 

Do you know, what are the things that I value most in life? The answer is self-respect and independence. And I am grateful to you dear life, for giving me the opportunity to keep both intact. I was fortunate enough to receive good education which enabled me to be financially independent. In retrospect, I think that gave me the strength to take some of the most difficult decisions in life- decisions which most women of my country lack the courage to take. I consider myself lucky in that respect. At least, I have the means to live life on my own terms, to live a life free from regrets.

Last but not the least, you dear life have been wonderful so far. You made me meet some fabulous persons and make some wonderful friends through this journey who have stood by me through thick and thin. You not just gave me pain, but also gave me extra servings of some good staffs. And I look forward to making many more memorable moments with you- moments to cherish for a lifetime without any regrets.

With love,

This post was published first in Momspresso. Click here to read.

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